portrait of a girl and her bike

Sorry about the shit quality of the photo. Of course the one time I get her to slow down for a pic I have the damn camera on the wrong setting. She looks proud though, yes?

And... Dimples!

I Got a Feeling

You gotta admit, you have a decent job when you get called into your boss' office, and it's not because you're in trouble, but because she thinks you need to watch this:

Tell Your Mama

I'm not trying to tell anyone one anything here, I just think these lyrics are funny...

I won't cry for you
when the night grows long
and I won't lie for you
because you done me wrong
so tell your mama
I said hello
and that she raised you
too damn slow
you're too damn slow
too damn slow

because I've been waiting
for your time
and I've been missing
out on mine
so tell your father
that I said so long
and thanks for raising you
so damn wrong
you are so damn wrong
you're so damn wrong, so damn wrong.

it was a success

Well, it's been 24 hours since Maya's party and given another 24 I may just recover. We sent out 20 invites and had about 15 kids there ranging in age from 4 to 14 plus a few parents and grandparents. The invites said we would do karaoke and play wii, and boy did we.

Early Saturday, we cleaned and decorated, fixed food, and waited patiently to see if there would be a decent turn out.

The custom sign shown below is from Oriental Trading Co and helped folks find the house.

It took a little bit for the kids to warm up with the karaoke, they wanted to play wii first. And the madness when it was time to open presents was, well, madness.

Maya is just left of frame here.

Overall, the party was a huge success, and I know why we've gone to amusement parks for her last 3 birthdays.

I'm too tired for a birth story. I'm just glad she gave me one. As exhausting as that party was, those kids are freaking awesome, and I'm glad to know them.

Show Me

switching gears

Look what I bought for you know who:

It's a pink cruiser from Target. It's soooo pretty in person. And so big! I took it up to my mom's house to hide it, and there in the garage was Maya's first 2-wheeler and it is so tiny. I need to take a picture of the two bikes together for comparison. And then I will cry cuz my little girl is all growed up.

Also, I think after all the holiday crap blows over I will be getting this trike because, you know.

felled often

I didn’t really understand how much I relied on her until last week. I knew I missed her all these months. (It’s been nearly nine months since she was arrested for killing her own son and that seems… noteworthy, that it has been nearly the same amount of time as gestation.) But being aware of missing her and needing her friendship are two different things. Last week I suddenly felt like a compass that couldn’t find north and was left spinning.

I still choke on the word murder. I check on her nearly everyday online. Our county sheriff’s website has an inmate information system. I can see if she’s been moved, when her next court date is, etc. Without saying so, I am checking to see if she is still alive. And every time I go there, I am struck anew by those words.

187 F PC MURDER
187(A) F PC MURDER
273AB F PC CRLTY CHILD CAUSE DEATH

And I ask again, how did this happen? And again, still, there is no answer.

I'm sorry to come back from my blog hiatus with this. It's a heartbreaking thing that I try to stay away from. But there many things about watching Austin recover from surgery that triggered these emotions for me.